Still Aching Hearts: This is for you K

"I started trying to get pregnant around the same time you did (May of 2007.) I'm on my 2nd fertility specialist, and starting treatment with chlomid. The only difference between our "diagnosis" is that they have no idea what is causing our infertility, but decided just to go with chlomid anyway. I started it this month and found that it produced too many mature follicles and was forbidden by the doctor to try to get pregnant at the risk of multiples. I'm thinking, "Do you know what I would give to have twins, triplets, even quadruplets at this point?" But doc says it's too dangerous, so I'm forced to actually prevent the chance of pregnancy this month. One month of purposefully NOT allowing children to come into my arms has just about broken me. If doc says the same thing next month, I may just be irrational and ignore him. The treatments and invasive exams don't really bother me anymore after the desperate, endless months of heartbreak when my period comes again... and again... and again. It is a comfort to know I'm not alone in my struggles, that others have gone through the same and that Heavenly Father will eventually bless us with the desire of our hearts. Your success gives me hope. :)My infertility is still a secret to most. It's hard to keep up the wall, but I think for me it would be harder if everyone knew because I'd receive even more of the ignorant comments that we know so well...Thank you for sharing your story. It has blessed my life and given me some moments of peace in this seemingly endless trial..."

Oh, how I know this unforgiving road so well. The worst is wondering if it will ever end; if there's a miracle at the end of it. You don't care how far you have to go, you'll travel any distance, but you don't want to go in vain. You don't want the agonizing journey to be for nothing.

My heart aches along with you. Every month is an eternity and you want to take EVERY opportunity possible. Chlomid can be your best friend or your worst enemy. I was opposite. I did not respond at all to it at first and then after combining it with my metformin, miraculously, it worked. I am hoping that your doctor did not start you on the lowest dose so maybe you can try again on a lower dose?

I am hoping and praying that your mind and heart can find some peace during this nightmare. And that you will soon have everything you want lying sweetly in your arms.

All my love,

Halley