"I started trying to get pregnant around the same time you did (May of 2007.) I'm on my 2nd fertility specialist, and starting treatment with chlomid. The only difference between our "diagnosis" is that they have no idea what is causing our infertility, but decided just to go with chlomid anyway. I started it this month and found that it produced too many mature follicles and was forbidden by the doctor to try to get pregnant at the risk of multiples. I'm thinking, "Do you know what I would give to have twins, triplets, even quadruplets at this point?" But doc says it's too dangerous, so I'm forced to actually prevent the chance of pregnancy this month. One month of purposefully NOT allowing children to come into my arms has just about broken me. If doc says the same thing next month, I may just be irrational and ignore him. The treatments and invasive exams don't really bother me anymore after the desperate, endless months of heartbreak when my period comes again... and again... and again. It is a comfort to know I'm not alone in my struggles, that others have gone through the same and that Heavenly Father will eventually bless us with the desire of our hearts. Your success gives me hope. :)My infertility is still a secret to most. It's hard to keep up the wall, but I think for me it would be harder if everyone knew because I'd receive even more of the ignorant comments that we know so well...Thank you for sharing your story. It has blessed my life and given me some moments of peace in this seemingly endless trial..."
Oh, how I know this unforgiving road so well. The worst is wondering if it will ever end; if there's a miracle at the end of it. You don't care how far you have to go, you'll travel any distance, but you don't want to go in vain. You don't want the agonizing journey to be for nothing.
My heart aches along with you. Every month is an eternity and you want to take EVERY opportunity possible. Chlomid can be your best friend or your worst enemy. I was opposite. I did not respond at all to it at first and then after combining it with my metformin, miraculously, it worked. I am hoping that your doctor did not start you on the lowest dose so maybe you can try again on a lower dose?
I am hoping and praying that your mind and heart can find some peace during this nightmare. And that you will soon have everything you want lying sweetly in your arms.
All my love,
Halley
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
The Sweet Release
These past two weeks I have been preparing a talk fo Sacrament that I have to give this Sunday. Ironically, my topic is "the Lord's tender mercies." I am feeling a little guilty knowing that had I been asked to prepare this a few months ago, it would have been impossible. A few months ago, my heart was breaking. A few months ago, I was bitter at the world. A few months ago, I couldn't help but question my Heavenly Father's love for me when, logically, I knew He did. A few months ago, often I was crying myself to sleep. A few months ago, I was weak.
But finally, when I thought I was for sure going to split right down the middle, I found myself wrapped up in the arms of my Heavenly Father blessing me with the chance I had waited for for so long. It was nothing short of glorious as that pregnany test slowly turned positive. The trial that had weighed me down heavier and heavier over these past 15 months was realeased, and it was sweet.
My heart is still a little heavy because I wish for everyone that suffers trying to get pregnant and failing over and over again, and those whose precious little ones are taken away that they will soon experience the sweet release of anguish and find a bundle of joy in their arms. My success doesn't take away the fact that others may not find my same ending, but I pray with all my heart that whatever ending they find, that it will be happy. My prayers are still strong for those wishing for a little one of their own. A woman who is denied her own children suffers deeply. I have tasted a small portion of this bitterness and it is poisioning. Wrap your arms tightly around them. Tell them you love them. Cry with them and pray for them.
All my love,
Halley
P.S. I wanted to say a BIG THANK YOU to NANCY who left a sweet, thoughtful comment. I love hearing that this reaches more people than I think and that they are affected. Nancy, your words were so touching and I know that you love and cherish your little ones. How lucky they are to have you.
But finally, when I thought I was for sure going to split right down the middle, I found myself wrapped up in the arms of my Heavenly Father blessing me with the chance I had waited for for so long. It was nothing short of glorious as that pregnany test slowly turned positive. The trial that had weighed me down heavier and heavier over these past 15 months was realeased, and it was sweet.
My heart is still a little heavy because I wish for everyone that suffers trying to get pregnant and failing over and over again, and those whose precious little ones are taken away that they will soon experience the sweet release of anguish and find a bundle of joy in their arms. My success doesn't take away the fact that others may not find my same ending, but I pray with all my heart that whatever ending they find, that it will be happy. My prayers are still strong for those wishing for a little one of their own. A woman who is denied her own children suffers deeply. I have tasted a small portion of this bitterness and it is poisioning. Wrap your arms tightly around them. Tell them you love them. Cry with them and pray for them.
All my love,
Halley
P.S. I wanted to say a BIG THANK YOU to NANCY who left a sweet, thoughtful comment. I love hearing that this reaches more people than I think and that they are affected. Nancy, your words were so touching and I know that you love and cherish your little ones. How lucky they are to have you.
Monday, September 1, 2008
The Wait is Over and The Results Are In...
WE ARE FINALLY PREGNANT!!!!! And so beyond excited!!!
P.S. Both of those pee sticks (yep, I said it) are hanging triumphantly on my fridge!!! Bring on the morning sickness! :)
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Feels Like Finals Week!
I say that only because Nate and I have so many doctors appointments scheduled this week and I had one last week already. So many tests that it feels like finals week! :)
This morning I popped in to the doctor for more blood work. She wanted to do another TSH (thyroid check) because my last blood work came back low for TSH. That means that my thyroid is a little OVER active and would require a lower dose of medication. My doctor wanted to test it again just to make sure that lowering my prescription is the right thing. When I was first diagnosed w/hypo thyroid (UNDER active thyroid), my TSH was SUPER high. That's why she's questioning lowering my dose. She also did a progesterone test which is the hormone that your body needs to produce a lot of to support the inner lining of the uterus when you are pregnant. (your body produces lots of this near the end of your cycle and if you are not pregnant then your inner lining sheds and Aunt Flow comes a knocking) She said that doing this test can MAYBE give us a better idea if I COULD be pregnant... So nerve-racking! :) I'm supposed to get all the results tomorrow and will not be able to take a pregnancy test until Sunday; granted my period doesn't show up.
THEN, on Wednesday, Nate and I both have physicals for the adoption process. (yes, we are doing that also) Nate ALSO has his little "test" that same day. Poor kid. :) This is how he quotes it: (it's a little gross, so don't read it if you think it might make you uncomfortable) "I get to go early in the morning to get felt up and then a couple hours later I have to do it in a cup." HA! I think he is so funny!!! BIG DAY for Nate! What a sweetheart to go through all of this for me and our little family.
So I'm hoping we pass all of our tests this week w/flying colors!
Never Giving Up,
Halley
This morning I popped in to the doctor for more blood work. She wanted to do another TSH (thyroid check) because my last blood work came back low for TSH. That means that my thyroid is a little OVER active and would require a lower dose of medication. My doctor wanted to test it again just to make sure that lowering my prescription is the right thing. When I was first diagnosed w/hypo thyroid (UNDER active thyroid), my TSH was SUPER high. That's why she's questioning lowering my dose. She also did a progesterone test which is the hormone that your body needs to produce a lot of to support the inner lining of the uterus when you are pregnant. (your body produces lots of this near the end of your cycle and if you are not pregnant then your inner lining sheds and Aunt Flow comes a knocking) She said that doing this test can MAYBE give us a better idea if I COULD be pregnant... So nerve-racking! :) I'm supposed to get all the results tomorrow and will not be able to take a pregnancy test until Sunday; granted my period doesn't show up.
THEN, on Wednesday, Nate and I both have physicals for the adoption process. (yes, we are doing that also) Nate ALSO has his little "test" that same day. Poor kid. :) This is how he quotes it: (it's a little gross, so don't read it if you think it might make you uncomfortable) "I get to go early in the morning to get felt up and then a couple hours later I have to do it in a cup." HA! I think he is so funny!!! BIG DAY for Nate! What a sweetheart to go through all of this for me and our little family.
So I'm hoping we pass all of our tests this week w/flying colors!
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Friday, August 22, 2008
TTC Diaries Part Five: GOOD NEWS FOR ONCE!
I had to go back to the doctor a couple days ago for a follow-up after taking the chlomid. They always want to check your ovaries to make sure that the chlomid didn't over stimulate them causing cysts. Everything looked good AND she even said that she thinks I ovulated!!!! Where's the confetti? I even told her about the whole sunburn thing and she didn't think that mattered. I am just floating right now hoping and hoping... :) If my temp. continues to stay above 98.0 degrees for the next day or two, then the doctor said that I FOR SURE ovulated. It HAS been staying up as I've been checking it so I am SO excited! If I don't get my period by the time that we are leaving to go back to MN (which is in a about a week) then I'm supposed to take a pregnancy test. I know you can't see me as I am writing this, but I am just elated and ready to dance around all day like it was Christmas! :)
I have one more trip to the doctor on Monday for some more blood work and Nate is going in to the doctor on Wednesday for his little "test." I am hoping that all of his results come back normal. I'm pretty sure they will, but you never know.
So, YAY!!!! Could this FINALLY be it?
Never Giving Up,
Halley
I have one more trip to the doctor on Monday for some more blood work and Nate is going in to the doctor on Wednesday for his little "test." I am hoping that all of his results come back normal. I'm pretty sure they will, but you never know.
So, YAY!!!! Could this FINALLY be it?
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Sunday, August 17, 2008
TTC Diaries Part Four: Cross Your Fingers...
So, I woke up this morning and took my temperature just like every other day not expecting a thing. You know, ho hum... And then, wait a minute, what's this? Are you serious? Really? Let me just double check...and again...and again. Yep! My temperature is FINALLY UP!!!! A WHOLE degree! It has been hanging around 97.6-97.8 for the past few days and today it was up to 98.8!!!! Now THAT'S what we've been waiting for! HOORAY!!!! Could this be it? Please, please, please...
Unfortunately, I do have to add a little downer to this post. Sorry. It's just that I'm worried that the only reason my temp was up today was because I'm all sunburned from boating yesterday. That, and also, while I had the thermometer in my mouth this morning I wasn't laying down like you're supposed to. I didn't have time because I was up walking around and getting laundry out of the washing machine to put in the dryer. I'm just guessing that ALL of these could be a factor in contributing to the possible flop of a higher temp. I guess well see...
Hey, how about we wait some more? :)
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Unfortunately, I do have to add a little downer to this post. Sorry. It's just that I'm worried that the only reason my temp was up today was because I'm all sunburned from boating yesterday. That, and also, while I had the thermometer in my mouth this morning I wasn't laying down like you're supposed to. I didn't have time because I was up walking around and getting laundry out of the washing machine to put in the dryer. I'm just guessing that ALL of these could be a factor in contributing to the possible flop of a higher temp. I guess well see...
Hey, how about we wait some more? :)
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
TTC Diaries Part Three: When the Going Gets Tough...
Well, it's day 17 and no ovulation yet. We've been "trying" every other day since the 8th day and both of us are just tired. I have to give major props to my sweet husband for being such a trooper through all of this. The more days that go by where my BMT does not increase, the more stress, anxiety, anger, disapointment, and plain sadness I feel. It's very hard to keep going feeling this way, but my sweetheart has been keeping me going. I could never get through this without him and I love him so much for that.
I was able to get in touch with my old work in MN and they said I could definitely have my job back when we returned. So, I go back to work on the 4th. I feel grateful for the ease of being able to return to my old job, but I also feel a deep sense of defeat. I was so hopeful and almost positive that I would defninitely be pregnant by the time we got home to MN and instead, there has been no progress.
Last year in Minnesota was the most difficult of my whole life mainly because I felt like such an outsider. I do not want to return to that, but I have no choice. If I thought I could stand not seeing my husband for a few months I'd ask him to let me stay here and work, but there is no way I could stand being without him. He has been my strength and without him I would completely crumble.
So, we keep going... We pray, hope, fast, cry, and plead for a baby. Wishing desperately to be heard; having so much love to give. And just like the video a couple posts back, we wait...
Never Giving Up,
Halley
I was able to get in touch with my old work in MN and they said I could definitely have my job back when we returned. So, I go back to work on the 4th. I feel grateful for the ease of being able to return to my old job, but I also feel a deep sense of defeat. I was so hopeful and almost positive that I would defninitely be pregnant by the time we got home to MN and instead, there has been no progress.
Last year in Minnesota was the most difficult of my whole life mainly because I felt like such an outsider. I do not want to return to that, but I have no choice. If I thought I could stand not seeing my husband for a few months I'd ask him to let me stay here and work, but there is no way I could stand being without him. He has been my strength and without him I would completely crumble.
So, we keep going... We pray, hope, fast, cry, and plead for a baby. Wishing desperately to be heard; having so much love to give. And just like the video a couple posts back, we wait...
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Dear Kate...
I received a very inspiring comment from a young woman who fought for her dream and was finally given her chance to be a mother. I have to share it... (I hope she doesn't mind) :)
"My fertility journey started four and a half years ago. We "tried" for about 7 months. I had a feeling something wasn't right. We saw an OB and he tried one round of artificial insemination. You know, a dose of clomid and then the procedure. When it didn't work, I didn't feel great about going back, so I scheduled an appointment with a fertility specialist (and thank goodness, we would have wasted a bunch of money had we stayed with that clueless OB). Once we got in I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries (not the syndrome) and my husband with low sperm count, we tried several more rounds of AI with no success. We took a break for 3 months from more fertility procedures, and started our paperwork for adoption. (figured we may as well try everything we could, and we felt really good about adoption). We tried a few more rounds of AI and after those failed, I was done and we decided to try in-vitro. When that failed, I was really done. We then decided to put all our focus on adoption. A year into waiting (and 3 months after the failed in-vitro) for a baby, we got a call about a baby in Oregon. We flew out there, met the birthmom, waited for a week for her to deliver, then the birthparents decided to get married and we left without a baby. That, by far, was the hardest thing I have been through. Harder then all the failed fertility treatments. About 5 months after the failed adoption, we got an email from another birth mother. We met her, she was only 2.5 mo. along in her pregnancy, she chose us to be the parents to her baby and so we started waiting. We felt different about this situation. We went to doctor appointments with her, we went to the ultrasound appointment with her and found out we were having a boy. We were thrilled!!! Our son was born almost exactly a year after our failed adoption and after 3 years of "trying". He is the light of our lives.
I wouldn't trade any of what I have been through for anything. What I have gained as a result of our infertility has been a great blessing to me. It is something I treasure and hold dear.
I have learned and grown and become such a better person because of all I have experienced. It has made me a better mother, wife, friend and daughter. If I could get pregnant tomorrow but I had to trade all that I gained from this trial, I would turn it down in a heart beat. Recently I have jumped the hurdle in this whole infertility journey that if I never conceive a child in this life, I am ok with that. Our adoption was such a wonderful gift and I can't wait to do it again.
I was recently reading a blog post about infertility that I thought summed up my feelings about this whole journey perfectly. She wrote:'It has now almost been a year since my stalled infertility. I came to know that pregnancy carries with it it's own special bag of insecurities and anxieties. Should I be blessed with that once-assumed ample fertility from here on out I will be ever so grateful. If not, and my months of wishes return I will also be grateful. And this is why: Something still grows inside a woman who doesn't conceive a baby. In her grows character that is consumed with confidence, humility and desire. A symbolic embryo that is hers to nurture and others to behold.And its birth is phenomenal.'Nurture your symbolic embryo. Because it's there and it's growing. And it's beautiful and something to be proud of."
***Wow Kate! I am breathless from all this. Thank you so much for sharing your incredible story with me. I am so touched and so happy for you and your family. You are a "survivor" and an inspiration. I hope I can strive for the attitude you have embraced. I still stuggle quite a bit, but I know that someday it will be my turn, however it happens. And I LOVED the quote you shared also. It is so comforting and empowering. THANK YOU! :)
Never Giving Up,
Halley
"My fertility journey started four and a half years ago. We "tried" for about 7 months. I had a feeling something wasn't right. We saw an OB and he tried one round of artificial insemination. You know, a dose of clomid and then the procedure. When it didn't work, I didn't feel great about going back, so I scheduled an appointment with a fertility specialist (and thank goodness, we would have wasted a bunch of money had we stayed with that clueless OB). Once we got in I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries (not the syndrome) and my husband with low sperm count, we tried several more rounds of AI with no success. We took a break for 3 months from more fertility procedures, and started our paperwork for adoption. (figured we may as well try everything we could, and we felt really good about adoption). We tried a few more rounds of AI and after those failed, I was done and we decided to try in-vitro. When that failed, I was really done. We then decided to put all our focus on adoption. A year into waiting (and 3 months after the failed in-vitro) for a baby, we got a call about a baby in Oregon. We flew out there, met the birthmom, waited for a week for her to deliver, then the birthparents decided to get married and we left without a baby. That, by far, was the hardest thing I have been through. Harder then all the failed fertility treatments. About 5 months after the failed adoption, we got an email from another birth mother. We met her, she was only 2.5 mo. along in her pregnancy, she chose us to be the parents to her baby and so we started waiting. We felt different about this situation. We went to doctor appointments with her, we went to the ultrasound appointment with her and found out we were having a boy. We were thrilled!!! Our son was born almost exactly a year after our failed adoption and after 3 years of "trying". He is the light of our lives.
I wouldn't trade any of what I have been through for anything. What I have gained as a result of our infertility has been a great blessing to me. It is something I treasure and hold dear.
I have learned and grown and become such a better person because of all I have experienced. It has made me a better mother, wife, friend and daughter. If I could get pregnant tomorrow but I had to trade all that I gained from this trial, I would turn it down in a heart beat. Recently I have jumped the hurdle in this whole infertility journey that if I never conceive a child in this life, I am ok with that. Our adoption was such a wonderful gift and I can't wait to do it again.
I was recently reading a blog post about infertility that I thought summed up my feelings about this whole journey perfectly. She wrote:'It has now almost been a year since my stalled infertility. I came to know that pregnancy carries with it it's own special bag of insecurities and anxieties. Should I be blessed with that once-assumed ample fertility from here on out I will be ever so grateful. If not, and my months of wishes return I will also be grateful. And this is why: Something still grows inside a woman who doesn't conceive a baby. In her grows character that is consumed with confidence, humility and desire. A symbolic embryo that is hers to nurture and others to behold.And its birth is phenomenal.'Nurture your symbolic embryo. Because it's there and it's growing. And it's beautiful and something to be proud of."
***Wow Kate! I am breathless from all this. Thank you so much for sharing your incredible story with me. I am so touched and so happy for you and your family. You are a "survivor" and an inspiration. I hope I can strive for the attitude you have embraced. I still stuggle quite a bit, but I know that someday it will be my turn, however it happens. And I LOVED the quote you shared also. It is so comforting and empowering. THANK YOU! :)
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Wow! Break out the Kleenex...
http://www.tearsandhope.com/
Please watch this video. Especially if you are waiting and waiting for your day to come when you can hang that plus sign triumphantly on your fridge.
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Please watch this video. Especially if you are waiting and waiting for your day to come when you can hang that plus sign triumphantly on your fridge.
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Saturday, August 2, 2008
TTC Diaries Part Two: Small Recap
I don't think I have fully documented all of the treatments that Nate and I have undergone, so I thought I would catch you up. I should have posted this information a long time ago, but I was so caught up in the now. Sorry about that.
So, it all began in April of 2007 when I FINALLY convinced my husband that we should try and have a baby. This was a tough persuasion because he still had another two years of law school and we didn't anticipate trying until his third year. (which would be now) After several months of no menstruation I became a little worried and called the doctor. I new that it took a while for your body to recover after being on birth control (BC) for so long, but this was getting a little ridiculous. The doctor prescribed me some medication to induce a period thinking that it would jump start my cycle. I had the induced period and then again, no period for another several months. Back to the doctor, this time a fertility specialist. He thought I could have a condition called PCOS *ding ding!* and wanted to start some fertility treatments which would be a BIG investment especially since my dead-beat insurance didn't cover a dime.
I decided that I had better talk to Nate about all of this and see what he was up for. With all the prescriptions and ultra sounds to check the follicle stimulation, it was going to be pricey. Plus, they wanted to get Nate tested. We decided to go along with all of it except for testing Nate. It was just too expensive and it seemed obvious that I was the one with the problems.
ROUND ONE:
The doctor started me off with some chlomid and was very confident that it was all I would need. Not so much. It started with medication to induce a period and a base-line ultrasound to make sure everything looked good before starting the chlomid. Then, if things looked good, (and they did) I would start taking the chlomid a couple days after my cycle started. After taking the chlomid I had to come back in for another ultrasound to observe the follicle stimulation.
What you want, essentially, is for one follicle (follicles contain the eggs) to dominate and grow larger than all the others. The ultrasound should show a very large black spot in either ovary. Unfortunately, mine showed a bunch of little black spots all over both my ovaries. That meant that the chlomid did not work and it was then that the doctor decided for sure that I had PCOS. So that was a bust and I was so disappointed.
ROUND TWO:
We decided to try the exact same procedure again, but this time with a higher dose of chlomid and again, no success. So much money being spent and no baby in my tummy. I was starting to feel anxious, betrayed, confused, unloved, and worthless. Like, "I'm a woman aren't I? I am supposed to have children! What good am I if I can't?" And then you notice EVERYBODY who is expecting and you start to feel like someone forgot you or doesn't love you as much and does not think that you are fit to be a mother. I had to try to think as logically as I could and tell myself that I was loved and not forgotten. It is still a battle every day.
ROUND THREE:
I was done with chlomid. I hated it; it did not work, and it was pointless to take it. My doctor wanted to simply up my dose of chlomid again, but I suggested trying injections. I had heard that they were very effective and I didn't want to try and fail AGAIN. So, we went for it. The medication alone was 1,200 dollars and then you add all of my other medications plus the ultrasounds to monitor the follicles. YIPES! I felt like I was completely draining my family of all our resources for nothing. Again, no success.
That's all I could take. I was completely spent and needed a break. I can't remember if I started taking the metformin during the injections (I think I was) or after. I just remember still having hope that in a few months, while we were in Utah, the met would not only keep my cycles regular (which it had been doing), but it would eventually get me to ovulate.
As you already know, the last period I had before they had to, again, induce one was April 24th. The day before my birthday. That was the worst birthday ever. I thought it would be a wonderful birthday gift to finally pee on a stick (POAS) and see a plus sign. I didn't want to see anyone especially people who had just given birth or were pregnant. It was a struggle to go to church every week and watch all of the young families knowing that you were still miles and miles away from achieving your own dream of being a mother. I stayed home on Mother's Day. It was not fun. Nate was gone all day studying for finals and I was all alone. A dear sweet friend in the ward dropped by with some crescents and cards that my Young Women had written for me. I was so touched and it completely made my day. Those cards will be a keepsake in my house forever.
So, now its back to square one again. We have decided to finally get Nate tested and I am on the fourth day of my chlomid. I am not having any ultrasounds this time, just monitoring my temperature. I'm preparing myself for another failure because that's all I know, but I am also hoping for the best. You have to protect yourself the best that you can in this situation.
Sorry, that wasn't much of a "small" recap. :)
Never Giving Up,
Halley
P.S. TTC=trying to conceive
So, it all began in April of 2007 when I FINALLY convinced my husband that we should try and have a baby. This was a tough persuasion because he still had another two years of law school and we didn't anticipate trying until his third year. (which would be now) After several months of no menstruation I became a little worried and called the doctor. I new that it took a while for your body to recover after being on birth control (BC) for so long, but this was getting a little ridiculous. The doctor prescribed me some medication to induce a period thinking that it would jump start my cycle. I had the induced period and then again, no period for another several months. Back to the doctor, this time a fertility specialist. He thought I could have a condition called PCOS *ding ding!* and wanted to start some fertility treatments which would be a BIG investment especially since my dead-beat insurance didn't cover a dime.
I decided that I had better talk to Nate about all of this and see what he was up for. With all the prescriptions and ultra sounds to check the follicle stimulation, it was going to be pricey. Plus, they wanted to get Nate tested. We decided to go along with all of it except for testing Nate. It was just too expensive and it seemed obvious that I was the one with the problems.
ROUND ONE:
The doctor started me off with some chlomid and was very confident that it was all I would need. Not so much. It started with medication to induce a period and a base-line ultrasound to make sure everything looked good before starting the chlomid. Then, if things looked good, (and they did) I would start taking the chlomid a couple days after my cycle started. After taking the chlomid I had to come back in for another ultrasound to observe the follicle stimulation.
What you want, essentially, is for one follicle (follicles contain the eggs) to dominate and grow larger than all the others. The ultrasound should show a very large black spot in either ovary. Unfortunately, mine showed a bunch of little black spots all over both my ovaries. That meant that the chlomid did not work and it was then that the doctor decided for sure that I had PCOS. So that was a bust and I was so disappointed.
ROUND TWO:
We decided to try the exact same procedure again, but this time with a higher dose of chlomid and again, no success. So much money being spent and no baby in my tummy. I was starting to feel anxious, betrayed, confused, unloved, and worthless. Like, "I'm a woman aren't I? I am supposed to have children! What good am I if I can't?" And then you notice EVERYBODY who is expecting and you start to feel like someone forgot you or doesn't love you as much and does not think that you are fit to be a mother. I had to try to think as logically as I could and tell myself that I was loved and not forgotten. It is still a battle every day.
ROUND THREE:
I was done with chlomid. I hated it; it did not work, and it was pointless to take it. My doctor wanted to simply up my dose of chlomid again, but I suggested trying injections. I had heard that they were very effective and I didn't want to try and fail AGAIN. So, we went for it. The medication alone was 1,200 dollars and then you add all of my other medications plus the ultrasounds to monitor the follicles. YIPES! I felt like I was completely draining my family of all our resources for nothing. Again, no success.
That's all I could take. I was completely spent and needed a break. I can't remember if I started taking the metformin during the injections (I think I was) or after. I just remember still having hope that in a few months, while we were in Utah, the met would not only keep my cycles regular (which it had been doing), but it would eventually get me to ovulate.
As you already know, the last period I had before they had to, again, induce one was April 24th. The day before my birthday. That was the worst birthday ever. I thought it would be a wonderful birthday gift to finally pee on a stick (POAS) and see a plus sign. I didn't want to see anyone especially people who had just given birth or were pregnant. It was a struggle to go to church every week and watch all of the young families knowing that you were still miles and miles away from achieving your own dream of being a mother. I stayed home on Mother's Day. It was not fun. Nate was gone all day studying for finals and I was all alone. A dear sweet friend in the ward dropped by with some crescents and cards that my Young Women had written for me. I was so touched and it completely made my day. Those cards will be a keepsake in my house forever.
So, now its back to square one again. We have decided to finally get Nate tested and I am on the fourth day of my chlomid. I am not having any ultrasounds this time, just monitoring my temperature. I'm preparing myself for another failure because that's all I know, but I am also hoping for the best. You have to protect yourself the best that you can in this situation.
Sorry, that wasn't much of a "small" recap. :)
Never Giving Up,
Halley
P.S. TTC=trying to conceive
Monday, July 28, 2008
TTC Diaries Part One...
I've already been talking about my struggle to have a baby, but I thought I would start an "official" diary of the doctors appointments, meds, cycles, etc. It may get a little personal, but if you're O.K. with it, so am I.
I finally "started" today for the first time since April. I don't know why I have been so off lately. I've still been taking all of the same medications. My doctors have no explanations either. In a day or two I will start another round of chlomid to try and get me to ovulate. I am feeling VERY skeptical because chlomid has never worked for me, but I've never combined it with the metformin that I am taking every day to normalize my hormones. I'm really not expecting anything, but just giving it a shot. It is so hard to keep yourself calm and not get your hopes up. My hopes are ALWAYS up and that's why with every failure I am heartbroken.
I was going to take the whole summer off of infertility treatments. One, because my doctor is in Minnesota and two, because I needed a break from the emotional roller coaster. I realized that this summer wasn't panning out to be much of a "break" from the turmoil that I've been feeling ever since this ride started. So, I took a trip to my doctor here and she is getting me going again.
I'll start the chlomid in a couple of days and I am supposed to monitor my temperature daily to see if it goes up at all. Please, please, please...
So, here we go.
Never Giving Up,
Halley
P.S. TTC= trying to conceive
I finally "started" today for the first time since April. I don't know why I have been so off lately. I've still been taking all of the same medications. My doctors have no explanations either. In a day or two I will start another round of chlomid to try and get me to ovulate. I am feeling VERY skeptical because chlomid has never worked for me, but I've never combined it with the metformin that I am taking every day to normalize my hormones. I'm really not expecting anything, but just giving it a shot. It is so hard to keep yourself calm and not get your hopes up. My hopes are ALWAYS up and that's why with every failure I am heartbroken.
I was going to take the whole summer off of infertility treatments. One, because my doctor is in Minnesota and two, because I needed a break from the emotional roller coaster. I realized that this summer wasn't panning out to be much of a "break" from the turmoil that I've been feeling ever since this ride started. So, I took a trip to my doctor here and she is getting me going again.
I'll start the chlomid in a couple of days and I am supposed to monitor my temperature daily to see if it goes up at all. Please, please, please...
So, here we go.
Never Giving Up,
Halley
P.S. TTC= trying to conceive
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Being Sensitive to Couples without Children...
Ana Nelson Shaw, “Being Sensitive to Couples without Children,” Ensign, Aug. 2000, 61•
"Remember that the circumstances in which infertility occurs vary greatly from couple to couple. Infertility may result from a health condition on the part of either or both spouses. Sometimes couples become infertile after they already have a child or children. Some have married later or waited to try to have children, and some have not. Regardless, all deserve compassion and freedom from stereotypes.
• For some sensitive situations, such as baby showers, it might be wise to ask first whether a person wants to be invited. You don’t have to handle infertile people with kid gloves; just ask how they feel and if they are up to certain events. But be sure to include them in Church and family activities.
• Try not to second-guess a couple’s medical treatments or other actions. They have most likely been careful and prayerful in making difficult decisions. Trust that they have learned what is best for their family. Remember that decisions about building a family are between a husband and wife and the Lord.
• Recognize positive contributions that are not related to childbearing or rearing. Everyone needs to feel valuable, and this is sometimes hard—particularly in Latter-day Saint culture—when one cannot become a parent.
• Realize that infertile people can be sensitive to the undertones of your comments, and try to be careful about what you say. For example, saying “You’ll get pregnant if you just relax” implies that you think infertility is the couple’s own fault, when in reality it is usually a medical condition not caused by stress. “You’ll get pregnant as soon as you adopt” implies that you see adoption as merely a path to having a biological child, when it is actually just as valid a path to parenthood as pregnancy. Even reassurances such as “It will happen in the Lord’s time” can be painful for people who are preparing themselves for the possibility that they will not have biological children during this lifetime.
• Express your support and love with simple, positive, nonintrusive comments such as “I love you” or “I have been praying for you.” Your genuine care and concern are needed by those experiencing the trial of infertility. "
***Very often, my friends or others express their difficulty to me of interacting with women who strugggle with infertility. I realize that they want very much to offer comfort and support, but are terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing. I found this article on http://www.providentliving.org/ under helpful information.
Never Giving Up,
Halley
"Remember that the circumstances in which infertility occurs vary greatly from couple to couple. Infertility may result from a health condition on the part of either or both spouses. Sometimes couples become infertile after they already have a child or children. Some have married later or waited to try to have children, and some have not. Regardless, all deserve compassion and freedom from stereotypes.
• For some sensitive situations, such as baby showers, it might be wise to ask first whether a person wants to be invited. You don’t have to handle infertile people with kid gloves; just ask how they feel and if they are up to certain events. But be sure to include them in Church and family activities.
• Try not to second-guess a couple’s medical treatments or other actions. They have most likely been careful and prayerful in making difficult decisions. Trust that they have learned what is best for their family. Remember that decisions about building a family are between a husband and wife and the Lord.
• Recognize positive contributions that are not related to childbearing or rearing. Everyone needs to feel valuable, and this is sometimes hard—particularly in Latter-day Saint culture—when one cannot become a parent.
• Realize that infertile people can be sensitive to the undertones of your comments, and try to be careful about what you say. For example, saying “You’ll get pregnant if you just relax” implies that you think infertility is the couple’s own fault, when in reality it is usually a medical condition not caused by stress. “You’ll get pregnant as soon as you adopt” implies that you see adoption as merely a path to having a biological child, when it is actually just as valid a path to parenthood as pregnancy. Even reassurances such as “It will happen in the Lord’s time” can be painful for people who are preparing themselves for the possibility that they will not have biological children during this lifetime.
• Express your support and love with simple, positive, nonintrusive comments such as “I love you” or “I have been praying for you.” Your genuine care and concern are needed by those experiencing the trial of infertility. "
***Very often, my friends or others express their difficulty to me of interacting with women who strugggle with infertility. I realize that they want very much to offer comfort and support, but are terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing. I found this article on http://www.providentliving.org/ under helpful information.
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Monday, July 21, 2008
Bittersweet...
A new look at the word "bittersweet." It seems that this word describes me to the "t." I am bitter on the inside and sweet on the outside. This is my identity right now, not that I am proud of it.
I actually despise the word "bitter" because it sounds so harsh and awful, but I cannot escape from it. It is extremely painful for me to see happy new moms or moms-to-be. They are all just so beautiful to me, but I cannot help but feel a stab in the stomach with each pregnant belly. With each stab is another dose of the "bitter" poison. But, I cannot let it show. I HAVE to be positive and think of the many different ways in which my life is blessed. I have to make everyone think that I am "enduring this well." I wish I were enduring this well, but I am not strong enough. I still have to pretend that with each announcement of someone's pregnancy, that I am unaffected. And yet, I fight back the tears, force a smile, and offer a "congratulations."
I'll just go ahead and blame the doctor... :) A month ago I was happy and hopeful. Even only a few weeks ago I was fine. My body has a way of tricking me into thinking that it is finally my turn. It has been almost ten weeks and I have not had a period. Normally, this wouldn't make me think twice. I've gone eight months before without having a period and so ten weeks is nothing. Except, now I have been on a drug called metformin for about five months. Metformin is designed for diabetics, but has proven to regulate the periods of women who have PCOS. And up until now, it has been working like a charm, but has not helped me to ovulate on my own yet. I heard that takes a little time. Just because you have a period does not mean you are ovulating, FYI. So, since April, no period...
I couldn't help but think that I was finally pregnant. I took tests after a few weeks of my missed period and, of course, they were negative. Always negative. (so hard to be positive when all you see is negative) I convinced myself that maybe the tests were wrong, or that it was still too early to tell, so I called my doctor in MN. All he did was prescribe me some medicine to induce a period with no explanation. I was not convinced and wanted a second opinion. The doctor here did a blood pregnancy test and it came back negative. (of course) I'm still waiting to hear back on some more blood work that she did, but she also did not have an explanation as to why my periods have come to a halt.
So, I sit here back at the blasted drawing board again. It's painful and so old, but it's my life and I have to find some way to make the best of it.
Never Giving Up,
Halley
I actually despise the word "bitter" because it sounds so harsh and awful, but I cannot escape from it. It is extremely painful for me to see happy new moms or moms-to-be. They are all just so beautiful to me, but I cannot help but feel a stab in the stomach with each pregnant belly. With each stab is another dose of the "bitter" poison. But, I cannot let it show. I HAVE to be positive and think of the many different ways in which my life is blessed. I have to make everyone think that I am "enduring this well." I wish I were enduring this well, but I am not strong enough. I still have to pretend that with each announcement of someone's pregnancy, that I am unaffected. And yet, I fight back the tears, force a smile, and offer a "congratulations."
I'll just go ahead and blame the doctor... :) A month ago I was happy and hopeful. Even only a few weeks ago I was fine. My body has a way of tricking me into thinking that it is finally my turn. It has been almost ten weeks and I have not had a period. Normally, this wouldn't make me think twice. I've gone eight months before without having a period and so ten weeks is nothing. Except, now I have been on a drug called metformin for about five months. Metformin is designed for diabetics, but has proven to regulate the periods of women who have PCOS. And up until now, it has been working like a charm, but has not helped me to ovulate on my own yet. I heard that takes a little time. Just because you have a period does not mean you are ovulating, FYI. So, since April, no period...
I couldn't help but think that I was finally pregnant. I took tests after a few weeks of my missed period and, of course, they were negative. Always negative. (so hard to be positive when all you see is negative) I convinced myself that maybe the tests were wrong, or that it was still too early to tell, so I called my doctor in MN. All he did was prescribe me some medicine to induce a period with no explanation. I was not convinced and wanted a second opinion. The doctor here did a blood pregnancy test and it came back negative. (of course) I'm still waiting to hear back on some more blood work that she did, but she also did not have an explanation as to why my periods have come to a halt.
So, I sit here back at the blasted drawing board again. It's painful and so old, but it's my life and I have to find some way to make the best of it.
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
A Much Needed Trip to the Doctor...
I'm a little hesitant about sharing the details of my struggle to get pregnant in such a public way, but I'll tighten my fists, grit my teeth, hold my breath, and let it all spill out.
Today I went to the doctor for a routine yearly check-up. This is the yearly exam that almost all womed dread. (you know what I'm talking about) :) I decided way ahead of time that it would be a good idea to ask some questions about all of my fertility treatment. Kill two birds with one stone. I've been trying all summer to distract myself from all of it, but that hasn't solved anything. I was feeling like I had taken two, no... ten thousand giant steps back because the metformin that I have been taking for the past fews months suddenly stopped working.
Some one throw me a bone!
After the super fun examination and many questions asked and answered the doc and I came up with a new game plan. Now, we're going to try the metformin with some chlomid and see if that works. I'm still pretty skeptical because my body is proving to be so blasted stubborn! :) I guess we'll see what happens...
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Today I went to the doctor for a routine yearly check-up. This is the yearly exam that almost all womed dread. (you know what I'm talking about) :) I decided way ahead of time that it would be a good idea to ask some questions about all of my fertility treatment. Kill two birds with one stone. I've been trying all summer to distract myself from all of it, but that hasn't solved anything. I was feeling like I had taken two, no... ten thousand giant steps back because the metformin that I have been taking for the past fews months suddenly stopped working.
Some one throw me a bone!
After the super fun examination and many questions asked and answered the doc and I came up with a new game plan. Now, we're going to try the metformin with some chlomid and see if that works. I'm still pretty skeptical because my body is proving to be so blasted stubborn! :) I guess we'll see what happens...
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Monday, July 14, 2008
Some Inspiration From President Thomas S. Monson...
This is such a beautiful quote from President Thomas S. Monson's talk entitled "Enjoy the Journey:"
"Our mortal life was never meant to be easy or consistently pleasant. Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that we learn and grow and become refined through hard challenges, heartbreaking sorrows, and difficult choices. Each one of us experiences dark days when our loved ones pass away, painful times when our health is lost, feelings of being forsaken when those we love seem to have abandoned us. These and other trials present us with the real test of our ability to endure. A fundamental question remains to be answered by each who runs the race of life: Shall I falter, or shall I finish? To finish life's race involves enduring through challenges and trials to the very end of life itself."
*** I can't help but think to myself, what an incredible man Thomas S. Monson is. He is such an inspired prophet of God. So many times I think that I cannot bear one more trial or heartbreak, but then somewhere, somehow I find myself making it through.
It is because of a loving Heavenly Father and our Savior that we can "endure the race of life." I am so grateful for the hand that reaches for mine when I am down and needing a lift. Sometimes it's hard to take it, but after I've grabbed on I've found myself stronger in His grasp and more willing to endure the painful "race."
Never Giving Up,
Halley
"Our mortal life was never meant to be easy or consistently pleasant. Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that we learn and grow and become refined through hard challenges, heartbreaking sorrows, and difficult choices. Each one of us experiences dark days when our loved ones pass away, painful times when our health is lost, feelings of being forsaken when those we love seem to have abandoned us. These and other trials present us with the real test of our ability to endure. A fundamental question remains to be answered by each who runs the race of life: Shall I falter, or shall I finish? To finish life's race involves enduring through challenges and trials to the very end of life itself."
*** I can't help but think to myself, what an incredible man Thomas S. Monson is. He is such an inspired prophet of God. So many times I think that I cannot bear one more trial or heartbreak, but then somewhere, somehow I find myself making it through.
It is because of a loving Heavenly Father and our Savior that we can "endure the race of life." I am so grateful for the hand that reaches for mine when I am down and needing a lift. Sometimes it's hard to take it, but after I've grabbed on I've found myself stronger in His grasp and more willing to endure the painful "race."
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Oprah's "Wombs for Rent"
Today I watched a very interesting story on Oprah entitled "Wombs for Rent." The entire show mainly focused on couples who suffer from infertility. What a coincidence!! Oprah said that one in every six couples suffer from it. An overwhelming statistic when, most of the time, I feel so alone in this journey.
Lisa Ling did an investigation of women in India who become surrogates for American women. The surrogates are required to undergo many pre-requisites before they are allowed to carry another woman's child. For instance, they must already have at least one of their own children to lower the risk of them becoming attached to the child they are carrying for someone else. Also, during their surrogacy pregnancy, they do not live at home, but at a clinic where they are monitored 24 hours a day. These Indian angels who decide to do this are compensated very generously. With the compensation that comes from this sacrifice, they are able to completely change the lives of their families. Lisa Ling made a very touching comment. She said it was neat how these Indian women were helping these women in the U.S. and vice versa. A very touching story. Something very dear to my heart.
It is uplifting for me to hear someone else's story and deep desperate desire to have a baby. As heart wrenching as it is, it somewhat comforts me because I can entirely relate. Someone who has never struggled to have a baby of their own really cannot understand the intense pain that comes with failure after failure of trying to get pregnant. PCOS infertility really does change you as a person. I feel like I have gone through the mourning process in a way, but it continues to circulate over and over. I feel the denial, anger, deep sadness, acceptance all out of order in a continuous merry-go-round. It never stops on one emotion, it is always changing. I think that's what makes it so hard for me. The fact that just because I've already felt that denial and anger doesn't mean that those feelings will never return.
Lisa Ling did an investigation of women in India who become surrogates for American women. The surrogates are required to undergo many pre-requisites before they are allowed to carry another woman's child. For instance, they must already have at least one of their own children to lower the risk of them becoming attached to the child they are carrying for someone else. Also, during their surrogacy pregnancy, they do not live at home, but at a clinic where they are monitored 24 hours a day. These Indian angels who decide to do this are compensated very generously. With the compensation that comes from this sacrifice, they are able to completely change the lives of their families. Lisa Ling made a very touching comment. She said it was neat how these Indian women were helping these women in the U.S. and vice versa. A very touching story. Something very dear to my heart.
It is uplifting for me to hear someone else's story and deep desperate desire to have a baby. As heart wrenching as it is, it somewhat comforts me because I can entirely relate. Someone who has never struggled to have a baby of their own really cannot understand the intense pain that comes with failure after failure of trying to get pregnant. PCOS infertility really does change you as a person. I feel like I have gone through the mourning process in a way, but it continues to circulate over and over. I feel the denial, anger, deep sadness, acceptance all out of order in a continuous merry-go-round. It never stops on one emotion, it is always changing. I think that's what makes it so hard for me. The fact that just because I've already felt that denial and anger doesn't mean that those feelings will never return.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
"I did not give this to myself, but I am the only one who can dig myself out of this hole."
"...I just read a sentence in the 'Hormonal Balance' book that said 'PCOS is not your fault. You did not give it to yourself.' When I read this six months ago, it made me feel helpless. Yes, the weight gain, etc was not my fault, and contrary to what some people told me, I did not give myself pcos, but it made me feel out of control.
Now I look at it as, no, I did not do this to myself, but I am the only one who can dig myself out of this hole. I like a challenge, and this is one I am ready to face.
There will always be hard days. I cried myself to sleep last night after hearing of a few people who conceived after a couple of weeks trying, but that is not me. I'm different, and I have to do things differently.
The hardest fought things are those we appreciate the most. I keep repeating the words to that old song 'It's the eye of the tiger; it's the thrill of the fight.'
I just know when I get my health back and hopefully finally have a baby, that I will NOT take it for granted. I no longer listen to negative opinions, and I try not to compare myself to those people who can get pregnant easily. The only way to get through is to focus on yourself. You deserve it."
- "Living With PCOS" by Mandy Knapp; www.pcoscoach.com
***This article really touched my heart today and I felt like it would be valuable to share. In my religion, I cannot help but compare myself to all of those women who can get pregnant practically whenever they want. It makes me feel so useless as a woman knowing that I can't. It is maddening at times and it takes all my strength to calm myself down and keep fighting. I really love how she quotes the song, "It's the eye of the tiger; it's the thrill of the fight." Although, I am not so sure I like the "fight" all that much, but I have not been given that choice. So I fight on, desperately hoping to have a baby.
It is so true, you cannot compare yourself to everyone else and that is much easier said than done, but there it is.
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Now I look at it as, no, I did not do this to myself, but I am the only one who can dig myself out of this hole. I like a challenge, and this is one I am ready to face.
There will always be hard days. I cried myself to sleep last night after hearing of a few people who conceived after a couple of weeks trying, but that is not me. I'm different, and I have to do things differently.
The hardest fought things are those we appreciate the most. I keep repeating the words to that old song 'It's the eye of the tiger; it's the thrill of the fight.'
I just know when I get my health back and hopefully finally have a baby, that I will NOT take it for granted. I no longer listen to negative opinions, and I try not to compare myself to those people who can get pregnant easily. The only way to get through is to focus on yourself. You deserve it."
- "Living With PCOS" by Mandy Knapp; www.pcoscoach.com
***This article really touched my heart today and I felt like it would be valuable to share. In my religion, I cannot help but compare myself to all of those women who can get pregnant practically whenever they want. It makes me feel so useless as a woman knowing that I can't. It is maddening at times and it takes all my strength to calm myself down and keep fighting. I really love how she quotes the song, "It's the eye of the tiger; it's the thrill of the fight." Although, I am not so sure I like the "fight" all that much, but I have not been given that choice. So I fight on, desperately hoping to have a baby.
It is so true, you cannot compare yourself to everyone else and that is much easier said than done, but there it is.
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Friday, July 4, 2008
The First Question: What is PCOS?
I found this great article on www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com :
"In each menstrual cycle, follicles grow on the ovaries. Eggs develop within those follicles, one of which will reach maturity faster than the others and be released into the fallopian tubes. This is 'ovulation.' The remaining follicles will degenerate.
In the case of polycystic ovaries, however, the ovaries are larger than normal, and there are a series of undeveloped follicles that appear in clumps, somewhat like a bunch of grapes. Polycystic ovaries are not especially troublesome and may not even affect your fertility." (If you're lucky)
"However, when the cysts cause a hormonal imbalance, a pattern of symptoms may develop. This pattern of symptoms is called a syndrome. These symptoms are the difference between suffering from polycystic ovary syndrome and from polycystic ovaries.
So you can have polycystic ovaries without having PCOS. However, nearly all women with PCOS will have polycystic ovaries. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is the name given to a metabolic condition in which a woman will have polycystic ovaries, along with a certain pattern of other symptoms that reflect imbalances in reproductive and other hormones.
We referred to polycystic ovarian syndrome as a “metabolic" disorder. By this we mean that there are numerous factors in basic body processes that have gone awry. Because your body is a unified whole, a problem or dysfunction in one area causes dysfunction in other areas. Polycystic ovarian syndrome is a dysfunction that is related to your whole body, not just your ovaries."
Never Giving Up,
Halley
"In each menstrual cycle, follicles grow on the ovaries. Eggs develop within those follicles, one of which will reach maturity faster than the others and be released into the fallopian tubes. This is 'ovulation.' The remaining follicles will degenerate.
In the case of polycystic ovaries, however, the ovaries are larger than normal, and there are a series of undeveloped follicles that appear in clumps, somewhat like a bunch of grapes. Polycystic ovaries are not especially troublesome and may not even affect your fertility." (If you're lucky)
"However, when the cysts cause a hormonal imbalance, a pattern of symptoms may develop. This pattern of symptoms is called a syndrome. These symptoms are the difference between suffering from polycystic ovary syndrome and from polycystic ovaries.
So you can have polycystic ovaries without having PCOS. However, nearly all women with PCOS will have polycystic ovaries. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is the name given to a metabolic condition in which a woman will have polycystic ovaries, along with a certain pattern of other symptoms that reflect imbalances in reproductive and other hormones.
We referred to polycystic ovarian syndrome as a “metabolic" disorder. By this we mean that there are numerous factors in basic body processes that have gone awry. Because your body is a unified whole, a problem or dysfunction in one area causes dysfunction in other areas. Polycystic ovarian syndrome is a dysfunction that is related to your whole body, not just your ovaries."
Never Giving Up,
Halley
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Unfortunately, Hello...
I say that only because I wish PCOS did not exist. And it is unfortunate that I, along with many other women, greet this syndrome into my life...
I have been living in awareness of my PCOS for almost a year, and trying to have a baby for much longer. In my circle of darling, sweet, fertile friends, I have been feeling very much alone and have needed some sort of an outlet to express my emotions. I am also looking to educate myself further and hopefully others as well. I am not a doctor, but a patient trying to understand the effects of PCOS and the army I can build against it.
I invite all and any to share thoughts, questions (remember, I am not a doctor), advice, etc. of which I would love to post on this blog to offer further comfort to those suffering. :) A little community diary, if you will. :)
Please join me. Maybe if we all gang up on PCOS, it will run away with its tail between its legs. :)
Never Giving Up,
Halley
I have been living in awareness of my PCOS for almost a year, and trying to have a baby for much longer. In my circle of darling, sweet, fertile friends, I have been feeling very much alone and have needed some sort of an outlet to express my emotions. I am also looking to educate myself further and hopefully others as well. I am not a doctor, but a patient trying to understand the effects of PCOS and the army I can build against it.
I invite all and any to share thoughts, questions (remember, I am not a doctor), advice, etc. of which I would love to post on this blog to offer further comfort to those suffering. :) A little community diary, if you will. :)
Please join me. Maybe if we all gang up on PCOS, it will run away with its tail between its legs. :)
Never Giving Up,
Halley
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