Well, it's day 17 and no ovulation yet. We've been "trying" every other day since the 8th day and both of us are just tired. I have to give major props to my sweet husband for being such a trooper through all of this. The more days that go by where my BMT does not increase, the more stress, anxiety, anger, disapointment, and plain sadness I feel. It's very hard to keep going feeling this way, but my sweetheart has been keeping me going. I could never get through this without him and I love him so much for that.
I was able to get in touch with my old work in MN and they said I could definitely have my job back when we returned. So, I go back to work on the 4th. I feel grateful for the ease of being able to return to my old job, but I also feel a deep sense of defeat. I was so hopeful and almost positive that I would defninitely be pregnant by the time we got home to MN and instead, there has been no progress.
Last year in Minnesota was the most difficult of my whole life mainly because I felt like such an outsider. I do not want to return to that, but I have no choice. If I thought I could stand not seeing my husband for a few months I'd ask him to let me stay here and work, but there is no way I could stand being without him. He has been my strength and without him I would completely crumble.
So, we keep going... We pray, hope, fast, cry, and plead for a baby. Wishing desperately to be heard; having so much love to give. And just like the video a couple posts back, we wait...
Never Giving Up,
Halley
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2 comments:
I remember you bearing your testimony sometime last winter and being so touched at your strength and renewed positive attitude when it was clear that you were exhausted and discouraged and frustrated. I was so moved that you could look at this and know that Heavenly Father loves you in the middle of handing you this challenge. You have echoed this in these posts. After reading one of the earlier posts on what to say though, I'll just say, I love you.
Hey, I noticed your comment on my sister-in-law Rhonda's blog. I couldn't help but click on your name because there you were -- holding pregnancy sticks! It made me cry to read this post about pleading for a baby and then see the pic of your positive test up above. It just gives me so much hope about things in life in general when I see that sometimes it actually IS Heavenly Father's will to give us what we most want. Sometimes I am guilty of assuming that if we don't get a blessing when we first ask it must be that we aren't getting it at all.
ANyway, I feel like I have totally taken for granted the ease of getting pregnant and when I see how much someone like you will be cherishing this little one I realize how much more grateful I need to be for my little ones and how much more I should be treating them like treasures. Thanks! Also, though I will admit I would never ever want to have to handle your trial, it is amazing to see how people develop such depth of character when undergoing such a difficult thing.
Congratulations!!!!
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