TTC Diaries Part Two: Small Recap

I don't think I have fully documented all of the treatments that Nate and I have undergone, so I thought I would catch you up. I should have posted this information a long time ago, but I was so caught up in the now. Sorry about that.

So, it all began in April of 2007 when I FINALLY convinced my husband that we should try and have a baby. This was a tough persuasion because he still had another two years of law school and we didn't anticipate trying until his third year. (which would be now) After several months of no menstruation I became a little worried and called the doctor. I new that it took a while for your body to recover after being on birth control (BC) for so long, but this was getting a little ridiculous. The doctor prescribed me some medication to induce a period thinking that it would jump start my cycle. I had the induced period and then again, no period for another several months. Back to the doctor, this time a fertility specialist. He thought I could have a condition called PCOS *ding ding!* and wanted to start some fertility treatments which would be a BIG investment especially since my dead-beat insurance didn't cover a dime.

I decided that I had better talk to Nate about all of this and see what he was up for. With all the prescriptions and ultra sounds to check the follicle stimulation, it was going to be pricey. Plus, they wanted to get Nate tested. We decided to go along with all of it except for testing Nate. It was just too expensive and it seemed obvious that I was the one with the problems.

ROUND ONE:
The doctor started me off with some chlomid and was very confident that it was all I would need. Not so much. It started with medication to induce a period and a base-line ultrasound to make sure everything looked good before starting the chlomid. Then, if things looked good, (and they did) I would start taking the chlomid a couple days after my cycle started. After taking the chlomid I had to come back in for another ultrasound to observe the follicle stimulation.

What you want, essentially, is for one follicle (follicles contain the eggs) to dominate and grow larger than all the others. The ultrasound should show a very large black spot in either ovary. Unfortunately, mine showed a bunch of little black spots all over both my ovaries. That meant that the chlomid did not work and it was then that the doctor decided for sure that I had PCOS. So that was a bust and I was so disappointed.

ROUND TWO:
We decided to try the exact same procedure again, but this time with a higher dose of chlomid and again, no success. So much money being spent and no baby in my tummy. I was starting to feel anxious, betrayed, confused, unloved, and worthless. Like, "I'm a woman aren't I? I am supposed to have children! What good am I if I can't?" And then you notice EVERYBODY who is expecting and you start to feel like someone forgot you or doesn't love you as much and does not think that you are fit to be a mother. I had to try to think as logically as I could and tell myself that I was loved and not forgotten. It is still a battle every day.

ROUND THREE:
I was done with chlomid. I hated it; it did not work, and it was pointless to take it. My doctor wanted to simply up my dose of chlomid again, but I suggested trying injections. I had heard that they were very effective and I didn't want to try and fail AGAIN. So, we went for it. The medication alone was 1,200 dollars and then you add all of my other medications plus the ultrasounds to monitor the follicles. YIPES! I felt like I was completely draining my family of all our resources for nothing. Again, no success.

That's all I could take. I was completely spent and needed a break. I can't remember if I started taking the metformin during the injections (I think I was) or after. I just remember still having hope that in a few months, while we were in Utah, the met would not only keep my cycles regular (which it had been doing), but it would eventually get me to ovulate.

As you already know, the last period I had before they had to, again, induce one was April 24th. The day before my birthday. That was the worst birthday ever. I thought it would be a wonderful birthday gift to finally pee on a stick (POAS) and see a plus sign. I didn't want to see anyone especially people who had just given birth or were pregnant. It was a struggle to go to church every week and watch all of the young families knowing that you were still miles and miles away from achieving your own dream of being a mother. I stayed home on Mother's Day. It was not fun. Nate was gone all day studying for finals and I was all alone. A dear sweet friend in the ward dropped by with some crescents and cards that my Young Women had written for me. I was so touched and it completely made my day. Those cards will be a keepsake in my house forever.

So, now its back to square one again. We have decided to finally get Nate tested and I am on the fourth day of my chlomid. I am not having any ultrasounds this time, just monitoring my temperature. I'm preparing myself for another failure because that's all I know, but I am also hoping for the best. You have to protect yourself the best that you can in this situation.

Sorry, that wasn't much of a "small" recap. :)

Never Giving Up,

Halley

P.S. TTC=trying to conceive